A Call To Arms: Crisis, the app that will save lives

Lexicana, Victoriana, Captain Doriana

This is a call to arms; and it’s probably the most important one I’ve made in all the time I’ve been pricking around on the internet. Hang with me for a sec.


I’ve been toying with an idea, and it’s developed into this: Crisis.


Crisis is an idea that came from – what else? – a personal mental health crisis I experienced last week. As I was touching the other side of it, I realised a few things that I hadn’t been able to realise in the fugue of trying to stop myself from doing some serious damage.


The first was that I wasn’t aware enough of the people I would normally contact to check if they were awake or available to distract me and help me through – it was early in the morning, and I made an assumption without even considering that it was the…

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Today began with shit, bad news from the bank, two days in a row now. Default notices. Demands. Claws going into my pockets. Money is pissing out of me like a dam breaking down. Tonight I met with calm. The whole situation was cooled and blessed and placid. All because of the right people. I love those right people. They made me feel much better. God love the right people. How do we go now? Take away the peace and pass it on. Bank my own and spend it. Two at the same time, once for now and once later.

Laying down on the job

For years now I’ve been meaning to write porn.

This wasn’t some big lifelong ambition until a friend mentioned it. She gets depressed a lot, and then she reads. A lot. And when she reads, she reads porn.

“A lot of porn involves threesomes, you know, two men and a woman. You ever done that?”

Ah no, I haven’t, for my sins. Or lack of.

“Well, it’s really popular anyway. Especially if they’re brothers. Or gay. Or gay and werewolves. Yeah, that’s really big right now.”

I thought we had Twilight for that. Anyway, how come these mythical fuck festivals are popular?

“There’s a huge market in unusual porn. Especially bondage, and threesomes with brothers. And discipline. With vampires.”

This is the catch. How do you go about this?

People say, write what you know. Most of my sex stories began with, I was drunk. Or, she was drunk. Or, she seemed less weird on the internet.

Also, I don’t have a brother, so any kind of threesome research will be difficult. And I don’t fancy my sister much, plus I know damn well she’d never go for that. No I haven’t asked, but she’s too damn Catholic.

“It doesn’t have to involve threesomes, but they’re pretty big.” I bet. “And the readership for monster porn is huge.”

I now have to roll my sleeves up and prepare to dish out some discipline to a vampire.

Shouldn’t be too difficult, then.